Perfect pet

Horatio Fogg’s mechanical dogs
have lithium batteries and solid brass cogs;
can outrun a greyhound on hurdles or flats;
are harmless to postmen but terrify cats;
don’t moult, don’t mess, don’t scratch, whine or beg;
won’t practice their mating technique on your leg;
have adjustable volume with tone and mute functions;
come complete with easy to follow instructions.

(c) 2013 Slush Poet

The Geordie Crossing

From just outside Jarrow there came a seafarer
who set out to sea in a rusting wheelbarrow;

leaving naught to chance, with a Michelin guide
and sextant in hand he set sail for France.

Upon reaching land the mayor of Boulogne
turned out to greet him with a military band

and I’ve heard it said he was held shoulder high,
hailed as a hero despite being dead.

Now I feel inclined to attest for the record
that there’s none so stout as men raised by the Tyne

for when it occurred that the sea took it’s toll
he expired in silence not saying a word.


(c) 2013 Andy Hickmott